So why is this post called "reflections (- part II)"? I never posted "part I". Yeah, but I have typed it out (well, not a very clean, publishable version). It's just not something I wish to share, not right now. It's just such a raw, offensive, knee-jerk response to the goings-on of the 30 days that it's just .... unfit to be shared. It's so immature, it's not worthy of sharing, at least parts of it ...
Anyways, that's all besides the point. I mean, nobody's even reading this for god's sake!! It's self-indulgent in the most selfish way possible, I'm practically talking to myself here. This might as well be a personal diary.
I've got time to soak in my 30 days, 30 dances program. Quite frankly, it's come to nothing. It's just like any other goals I've set in my life (I feel such a burden even saying a big word like 'goals', it makes me feel so adult. It makes me uncomfortable honestly. I shouldn't be using words like that). You get to the end of the goal and, no matter how well you've done, there's a certain hollow satisfaction. The feeling of satisfaction that asks the questions I have no answer for: "Is this what I came all this way for? What was this all about really?" I look back and the dances don't add up to anything. They're a collection of days when I did random things, some of which I enjoyed and some were of which just plain 'meh' (really? mint.com?).
I'm glad I re-connected with two things: cooking and photography. I've always enjoyed cooking. But of late, I had lost the habit. I hope I can keep up with it, even it's just because it's lighter on my wallet and body. The fact that I was taking pictures everyday, even if they were of a puny little piece of paper, was really quite satisfying. It forced me to shift my ass off the couch.
For now, that's all I can say. Maybe more reflections will flash in front of my eyes in forthcoming days, who knows ...
So now what? Will I continue doing this?
Well, I will do this again, but I do need a break; I probably won't resume for another couple of months. Henceforth, the rules will be thrown out to a farther distance than before. I'm not going to force myself to do a dance every day. I'll do one when I feel like doing one. Screw destiny, destiny's overrated! At least, I'll be doing something that results in a higher satisfaction level.
So long ...
Anyways, that's all besides the point. I mean, nobody's even reading this for god's sake!! It's self-indulgent in the most selfish way possible, I'm practically talking to myself here. This might as well be a personal diary.
I've got time to soak in my 30 days, 30 dances program. Quite frankly, it's come to nothing. It's just like any other goals I've set in my life (I feel such a burden even saying a big word like 'goals', it makes me feel so adult. It makes me uncomfortable honestly. I shouldn't be using words like that). You get to the end of the goal and, no matter how well you've done, there's a certain hollow satisfaction. The feeling of satisfaction that asks the questions I have no answer for: "Is this what I came all this way for? What was this all about really?" I look back and the dances don't add up to anything. They're a collection of days when I did random things, some of which I enjoyed and some were of which just plain 'meh' (really? mint.com?).
I'm glad I re-connected with two things: cooking and photography. I've always enjoyed cooking. But of late, I had lost the habit. I hope I can keep up with it, even it's just because it's lighter on my wallet and body. The fact that I was taking pictures everyday, even if they were of a puny little piece of paper, was really quite satisfying. It forced me to shift my ass off the couch.
For now, that's all I can say. Maybe more reflections will flash in front of my eyes in forthcoming days, who knows ...
So now what? Will I continue doing this?
Well, I will do this again, but I do need a break; I probably won't resume for another couple of months. Henceforth, the rules will be thrown out to a farther distance than before. I'm not going to force myself to do a dance every day. I'll do one when I feel like doing one. Screw destiny, destiny's overrated! At least, I'll be doing something that results in a higher satisfaction level.
So long ...
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