reflections (part II)

So why is this post called "reflections (- part II)"? I never posted "part I". Yeah, but I have typed it out (well, not a very clean, publishable version). It's just not something I wish to share, not right now. It's just such a raw, offensive, knee-jerk response to the goings-on of the 30 days that it's just .... unfit to be shared. It's so immature, it's not worthy of sharing, at least parts of it ...

Anyways, that's all besides the point. I mean, nobody's even reading this for god's sake!! It's self-indulgent in the most selfish way possible, I'm practically talking to myself here. This might as well be a personal diary.

I've got time to soak in my 30 days, 30 dances program. Quite frankly, it's come to nothing. It's just like any other goals I've set in my life (I feel such a burden even saying a big word like 'goals', it makes me feel so adult. It makes me uncomfortable honestly. I shouldn't be using words like that). You get to the end of the goal and, no matter how well you've done, there's a certain hollow satisfaction. The feeling of satisfaction that asks the questions I have no answer for: "Is this what I came all this way for? What was this all about really?" I look back and the dances don't add up to anything. They're a collection of days when I did random things, some of which I enjoyed and some were of which just plain 'meh' (really? mint.com?).

I'm glad I re-connected with two things: cooking and photography. I've always enjoyed cooking. But of late, I had lost the habit. I hope I can keep up with it, even it's just because it's lighter on my wallet and body. The fact that I was taking pictures everyday, even if they were of a puny little piece of paper, was really quite satisfying. It forced me to shift my ass off the couch.

For now, that's all I can say. Maybe more reflections will flash in front of my eyes in forthcoming days, who knows ...

So now what? Will I continue doing this?

Well, I will do this again, but I do need a break; I probably won't resume for another couple of months. Henceforth, the rules will be thrown out to a farther distance than before. I'm not going to force myself to do a dance every day. I'll do one when I feel like doing one. Screw destiny, destiny's overrated! At least, I'll be doing something that results in a higher satisfaction level.

So long ...

30. salad for dinner

So! After two misses (this and that), salad finally has its day. And that too on day 30. I've cooked so many recipes over the last 30 days, I still can't make myself a salad, as easy as it might be. I bought mine from Tomaydo Tomahhdo.

I'm not still not sure if I'll have a final post to 'review' the 30 days 30 dances program I enrolled myself in. I started writing that post, and but I fear publishing it here. I have a feeling it should be something I should read to myself. I don't know if I will publish it ...

29. call up relatives in india

I have lots of relatives, most of whom live in India. I have 23 cousins and many of them have kids. Not to mention all the uncles and aunts. So it can be a pretty busy affair keeping in touch with all of them. Unfortunately, I have to pick and choose the favorite ones. I haven't kept in constant touch since I moved to the US 11 years ago (wow! has it been that long?)

Very close to 30 days now ....

28. read 50 pages of a book you've already started

I have a bookshelf in my living room in my small one-bedroom apartment. It's almost filled to the brim; earlier this year, I bought a 5-shelf bookcase to replace the one with 3 shelves because I was running out of space for my books. Of the books that reside on that shelf, I've probably read less than half of them. I guess I like the idea of reading, rather than reading itself. Of course, it also serves to validate my intellectual side, even if I might not have one to validate.

I'm finding that my attention span for a book keeps diminishing over time. I'm not sure what it is. I wondered about it today and I partly blame the internet with its ever-growing collection of articles, blog posts and opinions about random topics. Anything that takes more than 15 minutes to finish seems like a burden. It truly saddens me that I don't read as often as I want to.

So I've been wanting to read The Fountainhead since I was told it was the most read book in the history of English literature. Some friends also told me that I 'had to read it'. I've attempted to read it before. I read one chapter and I forgot to get back to it. I felt proud of myself today to start all over again.

You know what I realized during those 50 pages? It took me around 2.5 hours to read them (yes, I realize I'm a slow reader. I read sentences a second time if I don't get them or if they amuse me). How long did it take the author to write those 50 pages?

It definitely seems like a great read. Now if only I could finish it. And finish it in a reasonable amount of time.

27. donate $25 to charity

I originally wanted to donate to Adrian Fisk, who I first read about in this article. But it seems as though he doesn't need donations (I can't seem to find a donation page on his website). I'm not sure why I thought he did. His project is phenomenally simple, and yet speaks volumes just through the simple idea of one person holding up a white board with words that are on his mind. It's that simple! Yet so, so moving!

So instead, I donated to Born in September, a charity that provides clean water to people in developing countries. 100% of the donations fund a drilling rig. I was born in the month of September, so I suppose I am more obligated to contribute to the cause.

I've always been skeptical about donating to charities. I feel like I need to see the effects of the donation with my own eyes. And I'm not sure why that is. It's a small amount, it's just $25. $25 is not a big percentage of my paycheck. For me, it's a small amount. Probably not for many in this world. 

26. walk for 30 minutes inside / outside. climb 10 floors up and down.

I walked the entire length of my 14-story apartment building (it was too cold outside). You know what I noticed? The ceilings are higher on the floors at the bottom. I wonder why ...

And I also cooked my pasta, the one thing I usually never get wrong. I changed it up this time by adding some cheese and giving it the bake treatment (which I will do tomorrow morning).

25. do nothing